I don’t know which is worse. Your significant other cheating on you with another person or with alcohol. Either way, the other has their heart and mind until you no longer exist.
THE SILENT STRUGGLE
It is a silent struggle that many partners endure with the hope that the alcohol or substance abuse will one day stop. Yet, when is enough, enough? Is enough when it reaches its boiling point? Maybe when the cycle of “I will stop when I want to” comes to the realization that it will never happen? Or when the alcohol or substance abuse just takes over and they are a functioning addict? Maybe when the abuse begins?
Each day I see it and each day I live it. He tries his best to limit his consumption but the calling of the alcohol seduces him and his inability to fight of the temptation is his downfall.
DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE
To describe it best, it is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. There are times when I don’t know what to expect. Am I coming home to the man I fell in love with or his counter demon? It is the element of surprise that catches me each time. I have learned to expect the worst and hope for the best.
He has become an expert at manipulation. He knows my love for him and uses it to his advantage. My weakness is knowing that I want the best for him and he soaks out each ounce of love to get his way.
I have become an expert at reading his body language. When his eyes become fixed a certain way, I know it is time to walk away. His sweet temperament soon transform into an angry tyrant, quick to make accusations. At other times, his mind wonders off and everything around him becomes obsolete. He gets lost in his mind and I have to slowly draw him back to reality.
Reflecting on myself, I realized that I had became his enabler. I never saw it coming. I thought I was just loving him. Rather than helping him, I have allowed the situation to grow worse.
I have debated time and time again to walking away from the relationship. Yet, how do you walk away from a person you love? Me leaving could possible be the breaking point that sends him spiraling down. What about the guilt if something happens? Who is going to be there to clean up his mess?
My heart yearns to help him. If I could dig deep down inside his heart and root out the cause of the addiction, I would. Yet, I know I can’t. It is a fantasy that only exist in my mind.
I know God can heal him. I also know that only God can heal the hurt that is causing the affair but he isn’t ready and I am not God. I cannot help anyone who doesn’t want help. This is his battle and his demon.
NO LONGER AN ENABLER
I no longer want to enable. I refuse to lose anymore time. The hardest decision is sometimes the best. Nobody should feel guilty for walking away. I have learned that loving at a distance is okay until the person wants change.
As with anyone who is walking along side of an addict, I salute you. It is a hard journey and I pray you endure. I also tilt my hat if you decide to let go.
We cannot help someone who does not want help. As for me, I leave him in God’s hands……..Blessings!