It was during a difficult time that I penned the following journal entry.
I was in a relationship that was rocky, unhealthy and we were both tired. Unfortunately, no one wanted to admit the truth. Throughout the years we would separate and return only to fuel the hurt, distrust and disappointment. However, the last separation was the final straw. It brought me to my breaking point and the cycle was about to come to an abrupt end. And when it did, all those years of pain came full throttle.
The only thing I knew to do was give it to God. As much as it hurt, I had to let go and let God. It was a scary realization because deep down I already knew the answer. I was about to let go of something that had been familiar for almost 20 years. I sat there alone in my room and cried out to God. Tears covered my journal page as I dabbed them with a cloth. No longer was there anybody to console me because my other half was gone. My only relief was to write and encourage myself.
Journal entry 01/01/16
The pastor said, “God is the author of our story.” We need to praise God while waiting on an answer. I don’t know what God has for me/us but this I do know- that I need to praise Him through this because God will give me rest. The Lord knows the beginning and the end. He is Alpha and Omega. Show me Lord how to seek you for answers. Show me how to have a heart for God, change mine.
The beginning of that years journal entry was about praising Him and it seemed to be the theme throughout that whole year. Six months later I was still praising Him. This is what God taught me about that season, “When we praise Him, We rest in Him.” When I look back and see all that He has done, it makes me want to praise Him even more.
The Lord had given me rest during that season. He had given me rest in my mind and heart. What was once hard to face, had become a blessing in the making. The Lord had restored my peace and loved me in a way that was gentle and beautiful.
It’s amazes me as I reflect on how mysterious God works. That journal entry which was written in a time of desperation and hurt was actually a prayer in the making. Now, by his grace, He has answered that entry and to this day, I have learned to lean on Him for rest and healing during difficult seasons.
God is good and HE IS WORTHY of all our praises. (2 Chronicles 15:14) And they sware unto the Lord with a loud voice, and with shouting, and with trumpets, and with cornets